


The Promise

by TreesHaveHearts



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Aphenphosmphobia, Awkward Romance, Bottom Donatello (TMNT), Bottom Leonardo, Bottom Leonardo (TMNT), Dirty Thoughts, Dom Michelangelo (TMNT), Donatello (TMNT) Needs a Hug, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Everyone Is Gay, Fear of love, Gay Sex, Hurt Leonardo (TMNT), Lack of Communication, Leo Needs a Hug, Leo is a sad boi, Leonardo needs a hug, M/M, No Means No, Pansexual Michelangelo (TMNT), Philophobia, Please Don't Hate Me, Protective Michelangelo (TMNT), Protective Raphael (TMNT), Suicidal Thoughts, Top Raphael (TMNT), Turtle Sex (TMNT), Turtlecest (TMNT), Unresolved Emotional Tension, fear of intimacy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-03 07:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17280089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreesHaveHearts/pseuds/TreesHaveHearts
Summary: Leonardo hates to be touched. The thought of being intimate with someone else terrifies him and the idea of being with someone romantically makes him want to pass out. Yet he finds himself in love despite his fear.Something changes and Leo promises to fix himself.





	1. I Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Aye, a new story! I've had this idea for SO LONG. Please tell me if you notice any major mistakes or flaws! Thanks!

> _ January 1-  _
> 
>  
> 
> _ I don't remember when I started to hate being touched. I’m fine with shaking hands, the occasional hug from my family, but anything close to being intimate makes me feel like curling up and locking the door. Thankfully the only person in my family that ever shows much physical affection is Mikey, and he doesn’t show it to me often. Father agreed to help me with this battle. I don't want to share this with the others. Being touched shouldn't be such a terrifying thing. I'm just weak, they don't need to know this anyway. I can hide it for now.  _
> 
> _ The most intimate act I am willing to do is when it’s so cold that I and my brothers sleep together. Even then I keep a blanket between us. Maybe I should initiate more touching. I could hug more or braid April's hair. I’m making a promise to myself that I  _ **_will_ ** _ get over whatever this is. I want to be normal. I want to be able to hug and comfort my friends and brothers when they need it. If I ever plan on being in a relationship this is something I must overcome.  _
> 
> _ I will get better, I promise.  _
> 
>  

* * *

“Hey! Shut up for a minute,” Raph bellowed as he stepped out of the dojo, Donnie following him with a pleased smile on his face. The pair stood in front of their family, silent for a moment as Splinter walked from the dojo and took his place in his favorite chair. Raph reached and took hold of Donnie’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

 

“We’re together,” Donnie squeaked out, a goofy grin and dark blush creeping over his face. “We have been for a few months now.” Raph grinned and stepped closer to his mate. Mikey automatically enveloped his two older brothers in a tight hug. 

 

“Congrats!” Mikey cheered after Raph pushed him off. Raph and Donnie smiled big, happy that Mikey accepted their relationship. They looked around the room at the accepting looks everyone gave. Everyone but Leo. Leo was shocked. He hadn’t expected his brothers to form a romantic relationship at all, he was perfectly fine being alone. His mind drifted off since they were openly dating that would mean they would be touching in public, right? The thought made him cringe, but he put on a smile and congratulated his brothers nonetheless. Donnie smiles weakly back and took a seat beside April, who threw her arms around him in a tight hug. Raph, on the other hand, shot Leo a glare. Was Leo so disgusted that he had to give them that  _ look _ ? Hell, even Splinter accepted their relationship! How far was that stick shoved up his ass for him to be so openly insulting? He would have to get over it, or Raphael would have to beat some sense into their fearless leader in blue. 

 

“How long have you been together?” April pulled away from her favorite nerdy turtle. Raph tried his hardest to   Leo and turned his attention to Donnie and April. 

 

“About eight months,” Raph replied. Donnie nodded and smiled, his face still as red as his mates mask. Raph could feel Leo’s eyes on him, that prick. 

 

“What?” Raph snapped, glaring once again at his older brother. Leo looked at him with a shocked expression. Did he really have the  _ nerve _ to pretend he wasn’t just giving him the stink eye? 

 

“Do you have a problem with me and Don being together?” Raph hissed his anger bubbling up inside him, threatening to boil over. Donnie put a hand on Raph’s knee, hoping it would calm him, but only seemed to do the opposite. 

 

Leo glared back, crossing his arms over his plastron. “I’m happy for you,” Leo stated plainly, his voice void of emotion. Raph jumped up, ignoring Donnie’s pleas for him to calm down and marched to Leo. 

 

“Why the fuck are you so uptight about everything? Dad gave us the okay, why are you looking at us like we’re fucking animals?” Raph bellowed, showing an accusing finger at Leo’s chest. 

 

“I am not, I’m just surprised,” Raph laughed and took a step back. 

 

“Surprised? You’ve been lookin’ at me like a fucking roach ever since we told you about us,” Donnie pulled Raph back. 

 

“Raph you need to stop, this will only make things worse. “ Donnie whispered and rubbed soothing circles on Raph’s bicep. Raph panted, eyes still locked on Leo. April stood between the two older turtles. 

 

“Okay, this is getting a bit heated. Leo, why don’t you leave for a bit while Donnie gets Raph under control.” April suggested. Leo nodded and left the room quickly. Donnie hugged Raph tight, he thought that with Splinter’s blessing the others would accept them with no problem. He was sure that Leo would agree with Splinter, or at least hide his feeling about it until they were gone. At least then they wouldn’t be left with this mess. 

 

“It’s gonna be okay, I’ll try and talk to talk to him about it.” April shot them a reassuring smile. “Maybe he was thinking about something else,” Raph scoffed and pulled away from his mate. 

 

“Yeah right.”

 

“I’ll help April too.” Mikey chimed in. “Don’t worry, we got this!” Donnie smiled at Mikey’s enthusiasm. 

 

“I am sorry, I wasn’t expecting Leonardo to act the way he did.” Splinter spoke up, gaining the attention of everyone. “I know that he wouldn’t look down on you both for something such as this. Give him time, he will come around eventually.” Raph nodded, although he didn’t truly believe it. Leo is an ass that favors traditional values. Raph couldn’t tell if the disgust was for them being gay, or being brothers. Knowing Leo, it was probably a mix of the two.

 

“Well if he looks at us like that again, I’m kicking his ass,” Raph promised. 


	2. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo thinks about what he's done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayeeeee, two chapters in one day! I am a writing machine. This chapter was a bit rushed, I'll write something better for chapter three, so don't worry. :) 
> 
> If you can't tell how this story is gonna be a little on the angsty side. I didn't mention this in the first chapter but there will be some mildly dark themes every once in a while. I will post a trigger warning on any chapters that have dark themes and anything remotely sexual. I won't post a warning cussing or drinking though, sorry but cussing happens a lot.

> _ January 2- _
> 
>  
> 
> _ I messed up.  _
> 
> _ I didn’t mean to, the thought of seeing them touching made me want to scream. They hate me now, everyone else was fine with it. Fine with them. I’m the outcast here. I did this to myself. _
> 
> _ I need to talk to Father about the mess I’ve made. I don’t know where to start fixing this. I want them to be happy, they deserve it. I can tell by looking at them that they’re in love. I wish I could have that.  _
> 
> _ I don’t deserve it. This is all my fault.  _
> 
>  
> 
> _ I’m so sorry.  _

* * *

Leo woke up in the middle of the night. He didn’t mean to fall asleep, he desperately wanted to see Raph and apologize. Leo sat up and stretched before glancing at the clock. It was a few minutes past three, so the others were most likely asleep. Leo got out of bed, shivering when his feet hit the cold floor.

 

He stepped out silently and made his way towards the kitchen. The lair was dark and the main living space empty with the exception of April and Casey. Leo looked down at their sleeping forms with a frown. April wanted to talk, but there wasn’t anything to talk about. He had to apologize and clear up this misunderstanding. That’s all.

 

Leo stepped into the kitchen and almost jumped when he saw that he wasn’t alone.

 

“Hey,” Mikey whispered, his mouth full of leftover pizza. Leo calmed, happy that it wasn’t Raph. He wanted to plan out his words before he apologized, he owed Raph more than a half-assed apology. Mikey set down his midnight snack and leaned against the counter. 

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mikey asked. Leo nodded in response and opened the refrigerator to grab a water bottle. 

 

“Yeah, arguing with Raph usually keeps me up.” Leo sighed and took a sip of her water. Mikey nodded as he eyed his oldest brother carefully. Leo’s reaction was definitally confusing. Mikey really wanted to know what Leo’s problem with Raph and Donnie was. 

 

“Wanna talk about it?” Mikey asked softly, hoping he could get Leo to open up. He frowned with Leo looked away, ignoring that Mikey had even said anything. “You’re gonna have to talk about it soon anyway. I promise to not tell anyone.” Mikey stated seriously. Leo looked up at him, a bit of shock and curiosity gracing his features. Mikey grinned and stepped over to his brother. 

 

“Are you okay with them being together?” Mikey stood beside Leo and took another bite of his pizza. Leo smiled softly and nodded. 

 

“I really am happy for them,” Leo murmered. Mikey nodded and waited to see if Leo would continue. Leo sighed. “It’s just strange I guess. I don’t mind it if they keep their hands to themselves.” Maybe talking to Mikey would help. Most would find Mikey dumb, but Leo knew not to underestimate him. Mikey was brilliant when it came to emotions and art. Something that Leo admired and was a bit jealous of. 

 

Mikey nodded and finished off the rest of his pizza. “Is it because they’re both guys?” Mikey’s mouth was full and Leo had to stop himself from scolding his younger brother about talking with his mouth full. 

 

“No, it’s not that.” Leo smiled, how hypocritical would that be? He was changing for a reason, wasn’t he? He wanted, no craved, to be with someone. Anyone at this point, it didn’t matter if they were male or female, mutant or human. “I just don’t like watching anyone be intimate.”  _ I can’t even stand the thought of someone touching me. _ Leo sighed heavily and set his water down. 

 

“I get it, PDA isn’t for everyone.” Mikey grinned and Leo nodded. PDA? That wasn’t it. Touching without people around made him feel even more uneasy. Being that vulnerable with someone, alone? Nope, that wasn’t Leos cup of tea. 

 

“It just makes me uncomfortable,” Leo stated with a frown. “I didn’t mean to look at them like that.” Leo’s voice was barely above a whisper as he looked towards the living room. Mikey pulled him away from his thoughts by taking Leo’s hand and pulling him out of the kitchen. 

 

Leo followed his eyes glued to their hands. This touch wasn’t bad. Leo could handle this, it felt good. He followed Mikey, stopping once they got to Leo’s room. Leo looked at Mikey with a look of confusion.

 

Mikey smiled and pushed his brother inside. “Go back to bed, I’ll make sure Raph is calmed down enough so you can talk it out, okay?” Mikey chirped, his blue eyes practically shining with determination. Leo smiled, an uncomfortable warmth spreading over his chest. 

 

He watched the door close before collapsing onto his bed. Mikey could be his savior sometimes and Leo couldn't be more grateful to his youngest sibling, even if Mikey could be a childish punk. He sighed deeply and turned int his side. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. With Mikey’s help, he could fix this. 

 

_ Everything was going to be okay.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment and tell me what you thought!


	3. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an awkward, pancake breakfast.

> _ January 3 _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Things will get better. Be happy. Be positive. Don’t over think it. Everything is going to be okay. Raph doesn’t hate me, he’s just mad. Mikey and April promised to help.  _
> 
> _ I’m sorry, but I can fix this.  _

* * *

Leo got up later than usual the next morning. He could hear April and Mikey chatting from the kitchen, the wonderful smell of pancakes and bacon wafting through the lair. After making his bed and putting his mask on, Leo walked out towards the kitchen. Mikey grinned at him as he flipped a pancake. April smiled, although it wasn’t as genuine as Mikeys.

 

“Breakfast should be done soon, I’ll make you some tea.” Mikey chatted as he cooked. Leo smiled and took a seat as he watched his youngest brother attempt to dazzle April with his pancake skills. Leo smiled and rested his chin on his hand as he watched. 

 

“Mornin’”

 

Raphael’s gruff voice was enough to make Leo tense up and sit back in his seat. He glanced at the hot-head, who shot him a glare in return. Maybe he should wait to apologize? 

 

“Morning! Breakfast is done, where’s Donnie?” Mikey started setting the table. A mountain of pancakes and a large plate of bacon. Raph took a seat away from Leo, he filled his plate up and started eating. 

 

“Asleep. Didn’t wanna wake him up yet, he didn’t get much sleep last night.” Raph responded, mouth full. Leo grimaced and looked away. Raph scowled and went back to eating. “Homophobic prick,” Raph muttered under his breath. If it wasn't for his year's training as a ninja Leo wouldn’t have heard it. He was sure Mikey heard it as well because the younger turtle tensed a bit before he took a seat beside Leo. 

 

“Here.” Mikey handed Leo a cup of tea. Leo thanked him silently and took a sip while trying to ignore Raphael’s comment. He wasn’t homophobic, but it made sense for him to think that. After all, he didn't have the best reaction to his brothers coming out. 

 

The four ate in an uncomfortable silence. Raph shooting Leo glares every chance he could, and Leo sipping his tea. April up and slammed her hand on the table, causing the others to jump. 

 

“You both need to grow up and talk about this,” April demanded, her green eyes fierce as she glared at them both. Raph glared back and crossed his arms, in his opinion, there wasn't much to talk about. Leo disapproved and Raph though he was a douche. Leo, on the other hand, looked at Mikey with a pleading look. He didn’t want to force Raph to listen to him, he wouldn’t be able to apologize correctly if Raph was yelling. 

 

“Let’s wait for Donnie.” Mikey squeezed Leo’s hand from under the table. “Don can talk to Raph before they  _ both  _ talk to Leo. This isn’t just about you Raph.” Mikey stated boldly. Leo wanted to pull his hand away, but he could tell that Mikey was doing this for him. He found himself squeezing back, and Mikey sent electricity up his arm when he started rubbing soothing circles over to the top of Leo’s hand. 

 

Leo pulled away. 

 

“Fine,” Raph muttered before getting up, leaving his dirty dishes on the table. Leo dared not to scold him and instead let out a breath he hadn't realize he had been holding. Mikey smiled and got up to clean Raph’s mess.

 

“What do you plan on saying to them?” April asked, a small frown still on her face. Leo sighed and looked down at his tea. What was he going to say? He had planned out so many apologies that it was hard to choose one. 

 

“I… I’m not sure yet,” Leo spoke softly. “I’m going to apologize after that I’m not sure.” April nodded and moved closer to Leo. 

 

“I know this is different, but try and see things from their perspective. They’re both probably a bit insecure about their relationship. Don’t say anything stupid and don’t let Raph make you lose your cool.” Leo nodded and gave April a small smile. 

 

“Thanks, April.” April grinned and patted him on the shoulder. 

 

“I’m going to leave and take Casey with me. I know you’re going to want some privacy.” April walked out of the kitchen, but not before giving Mikey a hug. The youngest smiled and squeezed the redhead. Watching them hug so tightly made Leo feel weird. It was an unfamiliar feeling, different than when he usually saw two people hugging like that. Mikey finished cleaning up breakfast with Leo’s help. Mikey hummed as he cleaned and Leo stayed silent, enjoying the sweet sounds his brother was making.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading! Please tell me your thoughts.


	4. Push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't very happy with the way this chapter turned out. It's what I wanted to happen, but the delivery was a bit strange. 
> 
> WARNING:
> 
> This chapter contains a lot of swearing and assault. Nothing graphic.

Waiting for Donnie and Raph to come out of their room was taking forever. Leo understood that Don always slept in when they didn’t have training but this was borderline ridiculous. Leo glanced at Raph’s bedroom door for the millionth time. He had planned the perfect apology. He would tell them how sorry was and that it was a misunderstanding. It’s his own personal problem with PDA that grossed him out, not their relationship. He is happy for them and wishes them the best in their relationship. Mikey had helped him a lot, telling him if it sounded sincere enough or if it was too long. Leo would definitely have to find a way to repay Mikey soon. Without thinking, Leo looked over at his youngest brother. Mikey was laying on the couch beside him, completely focused on his video game. Leo couldn't help but smile as he watched how happy Mikey looked.

 

Even if Leo didn’t say it aloud, he was proud of Mikey. He had grown a lot as a person and a ninja. He had grown a lot physically as well. They were almost the same height, Mikey being a few centimeters taller. He was a bit bulkier than Leo, probably from his diet, but he was nowhere near Raph’s size. Leo looked down at himself. He hadn’t changed much since they were teenagers. He had grown a few inches, but other than that he was pretty much the same. Raphael was a giant. He was the same height as Mikey and was a wall of muscle. He hadn’t stopped training at all and kept to a pretty strict workout schedule. Donnie was the tallest and stopped training last year. Leo was a bit unhappy about it, but Donnie said that being a ninja wasn’t something he wanted to do forever.

 

Leo sighed and leaned into the couch. It was almost lunchtime now and he wanted to talk to them before it got too late. He thought about going to their room and apologizing, but he didn’t want to disturb them. When they came out he would talk to them and apologize for his behavior.

 

“I’m gonna make sandwiches for lunch, want one?” Mikey asked, setting his controller to the side as he got up and stretched. Leo nodded and took a second to admire how much Mikey’s training has paid off. Mikey started training more with Raph, and the extra muscle looked good on him, more mature.

 

“Yes, please,” Leo responded before getting up. “I can help if you want,” Leo offered. Mikey grinned and nodded.

 

“Sure. Go and get some plates. I’ll make sure Raph and Donnie are still alive in there.” Mikey started walking to Raph’s room. Leo watched him go before going to the kitchen. Maybe he could apologize before lunch. After they could eat and it wouldn’t be too awfully awkward. Leo smiled as he got their plates and a bag of chips. This would work out and everything was going to be okay.

 

Mikey came back a moment later, Donnie not far behind him. Leo turned and smiled nervously at the both of them. Where was Raph? Donnie took a seat at the table and avoided Leo’s gaze. He sat down a seat away from him, looking down at the table. Raphael made himself known only seconds later by storming in. The chair made an awful sound as it scraped the ground beneath it. He didn’t bother hiding his anger as he glared at Leo and put his arm around his mate.

 

“I wanted to talk to you two.” Leo tried making his voice sound steady, and he hoped he sounded confident. Donnie looked up at him, his expression unreadable the complete opposite of the larger turtle beside him. Raphael looked livid, a war machine ready to be activated.

 

“I’m sorry for making it seem like I was uncomfortable with your relationship,” Leo started. “I am very happy for you both and I hope that you’re good to each other.” Donnie smiled, his expression softening. Raphael continued to glare, unconvinced by his brother words.

 

“Why make it seem like that in the first place?” Raph snapped.

 

“I just... don’t like the idea of seeing you two be intimate,” Leo said carefully. Raph snorted and leaned forward.

 

“Intimate? It’s not like we’ll be fucking in the kitchen.” Leo grimaced at the imagery and shook his head.

 

“Not like that. Open displays of affection just make me a  bit… uneasy.” Leo answered truthfully. He could tell Raph didn’t believe him, Donnie, on the other hand, looked convinced. Maybe Donnie could help him persuade Raphael into believing him.

 

“I’m telling you the truth, Raph. I don’t like watching people touch each other, kiss, hold hands, anything. I don’t like watching others do it and I wouldn’t want to do it myself.” Raphael laughed, a crude bellowing sound before he got up from his chair. He made his way over to Leo and stood in front of him. Leo rose and locked eyes with his younger brother.

 

“I knew you were pretty old fashioned. But making a big deal over holding hands? You’re such a fucking pansy, Leo.” Raphael stepped closer and Leo backed up, this continued until Leo was pushed against the counter.

 

“I bet you’re just angry I’m getting some and you aren’t. That it isn’t it? Leo’s such a fucking prude that he can’t handle that his brothers have a sex life.” Leo gulped, his hands on the counter as he stared up at Raphael.

 

“Raph stop-”

 

“You’re so fucking full of yourself Leo. Is this what makes you so uncomfortable?” Raph pushed Leo against the counter, his fingers digging into Leos' hips as he forced the older turtle into submission.

 

“Maybe you need to get some Leo, loosen the stick you have shoved so far up your a-”

 

“Raphael stop!” Mikey screamed, tugging on the red-banded turtle's arm. Donnie was on his other side, tugging him away. Raph went to protest, to tell them that he was just putting Leo in his place before he looked down at their leader in blue.

 

Leo never cried. Leo was strong, but now he couldn’t help the stream of tears that fell down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading! Please comment and tell me what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading! Please comment and tell me what you thought!


End file.
